07 March, 2011

Feel the Love

The last few months have been emotionally difficult, so my social appearances in game have been rare to sporadic.

I started a few incognito and non-social alts (who all seem to have "talk to me!" tattooed onto their foreheads) but have found little motivation to play them, even after an almost solid two month break from the game. I came back for a guild "comraderie building" ICC-10 raid and got assigned the responsibility of Recruitment Officer.

Oh, the irony. I have social phobia, live in complete isolation, never leave my appartment except for mandatory appointments and extremely rare outtings and they assign me with the most socially draining and exposing responsibility possible. I guess I fake the social thing really well in vent. Either that or my curse of charisma convinced them that I would be a good recruiter. In any event, I can see my guild socializing quickly dwindling down to a halt. Luckily for them, there is one other person assigned to recruiting. They tend to favour private message recruiting and I refuse to do that. I just can't mentally handle it.

I don't mean to bitch. I know it probably seems that's all I do these days, but I can only hold up an "I'm okay" facade for so long and the whole "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" thing is complete bullshit. I mostly keep to myself, yet I still get harassed by people who just don't understand that I want to be left alone. I had gotten one of my alts to 26 and had to delete him because this guy (nice as he was) just couldn't take a fucking hint.

The very next day, I was leveling a brand new one in Westfall and this level 43 huntard in Western Plaguelands starts bugging me to help him with a quest. What the fuck?! He was FOURTY levels higher than me (which I had to inform him of) and not even close in proximity. Then he offered to help me, which I declined. I was very short and quite clear that I did not want to be disturbed or social and he just would not leave me the fuck alone so I ended up having to slam his ass on the ignore list.

One of the biggest problems I have is saying "no" to people, so, when I actually do and they don't listen, it triggers a really bad anxiety attack. I was shaking so bad that I couldn't feel my fingers. Actually, now that I think about it, nobody listens when I say no. That's probably why I can't tell my guild that I can't do this recruiting thing. Fuck. I hate my life.

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